the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
