Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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