I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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