Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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