what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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