Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
