You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
