Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
