just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
