I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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