Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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