This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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