dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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