Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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