do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
