Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize