also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
