then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
