Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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