ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
