if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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