the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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