Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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