Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
