i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
