do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
