It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Never underestimate the power of titties
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