I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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