I think I won the penis lottery.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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