I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize