You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Will exercising make me less horny?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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