You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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