If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
