Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
