I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
