So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All the doctor said was why
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
