I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
