I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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