Yo dont text me then not text me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
