Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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