u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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