I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I deserve this hangover.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
