I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he puts the penis in happiness.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
