Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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