I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
