addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
