If i come over, it means nothing
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
