Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
