: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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