help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We talked him into tasing himself.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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