I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
