Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
