The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wrigley field is MILF paradise
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
