did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
