Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
