she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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