i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
