my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize