:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize