Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
