You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
