whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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