I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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