He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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