What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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