Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
