ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
