kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
