also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
her vagine was all disorganized.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
