Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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