The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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