I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Are my feet made of real feet?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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