The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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