I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
