I take back everything I said about communal showers
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
