it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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