Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
